A few words...

I know many of you are anxious about me taking some time to post so I figured to avoid 1 huge long post I would right a few over the next week and I should get everything covered. Besides the fact that I just don't have the motivation or the energy to really post tonight anyhow.

Tonight I will start with my surgery. I will wait on the post about Olena because I would like to post some new pictures as well so I will get to that later.

As I mentioned I had surgery last Monday. Though it was difficult and a bit embarrassing to share exactly what I had done, I thought it might actually do me good. It is a way for me to share my story, share my success, and maybe even get some needed support when the time comes if ever.

I had the Lapband inserted. For those of you who may not know what this is, it is a baratric surgery. It is done laproscopically, and a Band is "wrapped" around your stomach and the idea is to increase your feeling of fullness. You take in much less and feel full longer. There are also many other benefits and reasons for the surgery but I will not bore you with details. I have always been a bit heavy, but NEVER at the point were I am now. I was experiencing many health problems since about 2000 and after years of many doctors’ visits and my own research, in 2004 I was finally diagnosed with PCOS. This is a very complicated condition but one of the many "pleasant" problems you encounter with PCOS is weight gain that is VERY HARD to lose. I have followed several weight loss programs and medical supervised diets but I just can't seem to lose enough and I end up gaining twice as much back. This has been an endless cycle over the past 5 years so I did some more research and read several stories about PCOS patients and their success with the Lapband. So I moved forward with contacting my insurance company. Come to find out I fit ALL of the criteria due to my past so I went for it. I started the process back in November of last year and it was a paperwork battle that I won!!! They called me the first of February and said you are approved - we have a cancelled procedure for the 11th so take it or wait another 3 months or so. Therefore I jumped on and scheduled it. I was not nervous a bit, and I was very excited for myself. This was the first and only time in a very long time that I knew I was doing this for ME to make me a better person, a stronger person, and someone who could wholly love herself. I have a pretty good self esteem until I am reminded that I am overweight. Yes, I do often forget. I love myself as far as my personality goes, and I could go all day feeling on top of world, until I would pass a mirror, or I would need to take my picture, or shopping for clothes. These are the times I was reminded of who I was on the outside, and I didn't like that. I know that is not always what matters, but losing the weight is going to give me a chance to be more confident.

The only downfall has been my recovery. I seem to have been a bit naive about how hard this was actually going to be. The pain, the inability to take care of my house how I like, handling Olena and taking care of her. I can't drive for 10 days! NO lifting what so ever for 10 days, which is darn near impossible with a toddler, and liquids only - which has caused a great decline in my energy level. Granted I am over weight I can run my stairs a few times before I even get my heart rate up. Since the surgery I look at the stairs and I am out of breath :) Thus my reason for the lack of posts. Our computer is downstairs. Anyhow things are getting better with time, I will return to work tomorrow and attempt to complete the day! Wish me luck.

On a good note, I am down 20lbs since 2/6 which was my pre admission appt. What a great start to an improved life!

Well it is getting late so I am going to head off to bed. I will do my best to post again tomorrow with details about Olena and some new pictures!

Sorry if there are a lot of errors. My spell check isn't working and I am too tired and medicated to read back through it!